And for a long time I believed that purity, once lost, was lost forever. As a young teen, I was clueless and pretty innocent when it came to sex; it was all uncharted waters for me. It started with a verbal assault that soon turned physical and violent. As a result, the first images of sex that were imprinted on my mind were ones of dirtiness, fear, suffocation, and violence.
My boyfriend pressured me to have sex quite often, and eventually I gave in. All those feelings of fear, powerlessness returned, and now guilt, and unworthiness were added to them. In that moment, not only did I know I had fallen short of God's will, but I figured I must have fallen short of ever deserving a Christian man. When I met my future husband, I quickly saw how godly and good a man he was! He was spiritual leader and also a virgin. That night was enormously painful, as were the days that followed. As a result of what I had shared, he had trouble trusting me, and I know he entertained thoughts that reflected mine.
I knew he was thinking that I didn't deserve him. It was a painful time because those lies and fears came out in our attitudes and words towards each other, and forgiveness came and went like a revolving door. But all the while God was teaching us, refining us, and washing us over and over again, until love was restored. It is not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.
Since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is perfected in us. However, I must say that the groom should take the feelings of his bride into consideration; after all, she is new to him and to the surroundings.
Consequences of Sex Before Marriage
Yes, by considering the discomfort for the women during the monthly periods, Islam has forbidden both the husband and the wife from engaging in sexual intercourse during menstruation. They ask you about menstruation. Say: "Menstruation is a discomfort for women. Do not establish sexual relations with them during the menses and do not approach them sexually until the blood stops.
Then when they have cleansed themselves, you go into them as Allah has commanded you. According to the shari'ah , the duration of the monthly period is between three to ten days. If the bleeding was for less than three days, it is not menstruation; if it is for more than ten days, then it is menstruation for ten days and then it is counted as istihazah , irregular bleeding during which sex is permitted. The prohibition of sex during the periods is limited strictly to sexual intercourse; other intimate contact with the exception of the vagina and anus is allowed.
However, it is better not to play with her body between the navel and the knees. If a person who is engaged in sexual intercourse with his wife discovers that her period has begun, then he should immediately withdraw from her.
It is clear from the verse mentioned above until the blood stops that once the blood has stopped, intercourse becomes lawful even if the woman has not performed the major ritual ablution ghusl. But on the basis of the subsequent sentence then when they have cleansed themselves Sexual intercourse is also not allowed during the post-natal bleeding 10 days , during daytime in the month of Ramadhan, and when a person is in ihram during the pilgrimage to Mecca.
At all other times, sexual intercourse is allowed. There are certain ahadith which say that sexual intercourse during some days and at some times is makruh , but not haram. Some of these are self-explanatory: I don't think any one would be in the mood for sexual intercourse during a hurricane or earthquake. The second and third examples are of the prayer times; obviously, a Muslim is expected to spend that time in meditation and prayer.
One must remember, firstly, that it is makruh , not haram , to have sexual intercourse at these times. Secondly, the ahadith for such issues have been accepted on basis of the qa'idatu 't-tasamuh mentioned earlier. Thirdly, the reasons given for this karahat are mostly about possible deformity of a child conceived at that time. By looking at these reasons, I am inclined to restrict this karahat only in cases of couples who plan to have children, and not extend it to those who practice birth control. I would therefore advise the readers to be considerate to your spouse and not to put him or her in unnecessary tension; It your spouse is very sensitive about these makruh days then try to accommodate your likes and dislikes accordingly.
Mutual understanding is the key. Yes we have certain ahadith which say that it is better to have sexual intercourse at these times:. It is wajib on man to have sex with his wife at least once in every four months; this is considered as one of the conjugal rights of the wife. This obligation stays in force unless there is a valid excuse or the wife waives her right.
Before I start writing anything about sexual techniques, it is necessary to say that no rules and laws exist either in foreplay or in intercourse. The only laws and rules are the ones reached by the lovers by mutual and often unspoken understanding.
Whatever is pleasing and satisfying to both the husband and the wife is right and proper; and whatever is mutually displeasing is wrong. The only I imitation to this general rule would be any shari'ah rule which goes against the wishes of the husband or the wife. Man often forgets that woman also has been created with the same desires as himself. Asbagh bin Nubatah quotes Imam 'Ali that, "Almighty God created sexual desires in ten parts; then He gave nine parts to women and one to men. Based on this reality, Islam emphasizes on foreplay.
Imam 'Ali says, "When you intend to have sex with your wife, do not rush because the woman also has needs which should be fulfilled. Sex without foreplay has been equated to cruelty. The Prophet said, "Three people are cruel:. Another hadith equates sex without foreplay to animal behavior: "When anyone of you has sex with his wife, then he should not go to them like birds; instead he should be slow and delaying. The Prophet said, "No one among you should have sex with his wife like animals; rather there should be a messenger between them. Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq has been quoted as follows, " As for the role of a woman in sexual foreplay, the Imams have praised a wife who discards shyness when she is with her husband.
A hadith was quoted earlier from Imam 'Ali which said that women have been given nine-tenths of the sexual desire but Allah has also given them nine-tenths of shyness. There might seem to be a contradiction in this act of God, but it is not so. Both the sexual desire and the shyness have been placed for very specific purpose.
The sexual desire is to be unleashed, yes unleashed, when a woman is with her husband, but it must be shielded with shyness when she is with other people. This has been very eloquently explained by Imam Muhammad al-Baqir when he said, "The best woman among you is the one who discards the armor of shyness when she undresses for her husband, and puts on the armor of shyness when she dresses up again.
These sayings clearly show that the husband and the wife should feel completely free when they are engaged in mutual stimulation which is known as foreplay. There is nothing wrong, according to Islam, for a woman to be active and responsive during sex. This is diametrically opposed to the sexual morality of the Christian Western world before the sexual revolution.
Russell says, "Western women of a generation or two ago can recall being warned by their mothers that sexual intercourse was an unpleasant duty which they owed to their husbands, and that they were 'to lie still and think of England'. As for the Islamic shari'ah , all the mujtahids are unanimous in saying that the act of sexual foreplay in itself is mustahab recommended.
Likewise, it is recommended not to rush into sexual intercourse. As far as the methods of mutual stimulation in foreplay are concerned, the shari'ah allows the husband and the wife to see, kiss, touch, smell and stimulate any part of each other's body. Therefore, oral sex, as it is known in this part of the world is allowed. Imam Musa al-Kazim was once asked, "Can a person kiss his wife's vagina? And this restriction is quite understandable: nothing can really substitute the things Allah has created in our bodies!
The restriction I am placing on the use of foreign objects is based on the following hadith. Because of his old age, he could not fully satisfy the young slave-girl during sexual intercourse. She would therefore ask him to place his fingers in her vagina as she liked it. The old man complied with her wishes even though he did not like this idea.
So he requested 'Ubaydullah to ask Imam ' Ali ar-Riza a. When 'Ubaydullah asked the Imam about it, the Imam said, "There is no problem as long as he uses any part of his own body upon her, but he should not use any thing other than his body on her. In an earlier discussion, we said that masturbation i. However, in the case of married persons, there is no problem if the wife stimulates her husband's penis till the emission of semen or the husband stimulates his wife's vagina till orgasm.
The Qur'an clearly says that,. And stimulation of sexual organs by a lawful partner surely comes under the definition of protecting one's organ s "except from their spouses. Is there any particular position for sexual intercourse which is forbidden in Islam?
As far as the basic coital positions are concerned, there are no restrictions. I am using the term 'basic coital positions' for the positions known as the man above, face to face, woman above face to face; side position, face to face; rear-entry position in which the husband penetrates the vagina from the rear. Actually, the shari'ah has left it on the husband and the wife to explore and experiment as they wish.
In the early Islamic period, an event took place which clarified this issue for all. The people of Medina, influenced by the Jews, used man-above face to face position during sexual intercourse; whereas the Meccans liked to experiment various positions. After the migration of Muslims to Medina, a Meccan married a Medinan woman and wanted to have sex with her in his own way. The woman refused and said that he can have sex with her only in one position. The case was reported to the Prophet; so Allah revealed the verse saying,. That is, in any position. However, it is makruh to adopt a standing position, or to face the qiblah or keep it on the backside during the intercourse.
It is advisable to refrain from the acrobatic positions given by some sexologists of the East and the West which might even cause physical harm. Remember, the basic rule is mutual pleasure and flexibility. If one partner does not like a particular position, then the other should yield to his or her feelings.
The opinions of our mujtahids vary on the permissibility of anal intercourse. Before mentioning the preferred and correct view, I would like to explain why the mujtahids have differed in their opinions.
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This variance in fatwas is because of the difference in the ahadith we have on this issue. There is a hadith , for example, from Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq quoting the Prophet that "The anus of women is haram for my community. But, according to 'Allamah al-Hilli and ash-Shahid ath-Thani, the chain of narrators of this hadith is not completely flawless.
When faced which such conflicting ahadith , most mujtahids have tried to bring them together by taking the apparently more authentic hadith which approves anal intercourse as a qualifier for the ahadith which totally forbid such sex. And in conclusion, they say that the prohibition in such ahadith is not on the level of haram , instead it is on the level of makruh. This conclusion of theirs is supported by a third category of ahadith on this subject in which the Imams have clearly and strongly discouraged their followers from anal intercourse.
With all due respect to the great mujtahids who hold the above opinion, I would like to present the preferred opinion. It is true that we have conflicting ahadith from our Imams on anal intercourse, but the ahadith which approve anal intercourse are not suitable for deriving an opinion. Because, in the case of conflicting ahadith , the mujtahid has to contrast them with the Sunni view prevalent at the time when the ahadith were issued by the Imams. And, then, those which agree with the Sunni view are to be considered as statements issued under taqiyyah and, therefore, not suitable for use in ijtihad.
Using this method of solving the conflicting ahadith gives strength to the prohibitive ahadith and brings us to the preferred view that anal intercourse is not allowed. During the last decade of his life, Ayatullah al-Khu'i departed from the majority view and gave the ruling that it was precautionarily wajib to abstain from anal intercourse no matter whether the wife agrees to it or not. I would strongly advise against anal intercourse, and would like to end this section with the saying of Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq and Imam 'Ali ar-Riza about anal intercourse: "Woman is a means of your pleasure, therefore do not harm her.
There was a time when people need not be reminded of some of the basic moral and ethical values, but now we are living in an era where moral values are changing like worn-out car tires! One such issue is decency of dress at home and privacy at the time of sexual intercourse or intimate contact between husband and wife. There are some people in the West of course, a minority who think that it is okay, nay healthy, to stay naked in presence of their children! On a collective basis, they also organize nude camps. So that the children will not think negatively about their own sexuality.
Such parents also feel that there is nothing wrong in sexual intercourse in the presence of their children. This behavior is an example of the extreme reaction to the rigid Christian morality. To protect their children from associating sex with evil, some of these parents go to the extent of completely opening up to their children! Such behavior is not only condemned by those who still abide by religious moral systems, it is equally condemned by those who are familiar with child psychology.
A sexual manual read by millions of Westerners says, "Never involve children in adult sexual activities: militant and exhibitionist liberals who try to acclimatize children to the naturalness of sex by letting them in any level of their own sex lives probably do at least as much harm as was ever done by the prohibitive sex-is-dirty generation. We have quite a few ahadith in which the Prophet and the Imams have emphasized that when you engage in sexual intercourse, make sure that no child or, for that matter, any other person sees you or hears you. Abu Basir quotes Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq as follows, "Be careful not to have sex with your wife while a child can see you.
The Prophet used to dislike this attitude very strongly. It might also create a problem in his own adult life. The manual quoted earlier says, "Most young children are biologically programmed to interpret the sight or sound of adult coition as evidence of a violent assault they are aware of it earlier than you would expect, so don't keep babies in the bedroom , and the awareness of mother-father sexual relations is on all counts far too explosive a matter to be monkeyed with in the interest of Reichian experiments.
Islam has laid down clear guide-lines about the privacy of adults. Referring to the children who have not yet reached the age of puberty bulugh , the Qur'an says:. O you who believe! Those of you who have not yet reached puberty should ask you for permission before entering your bedroom during three times: before the dawn prayer, when you put off your garments at midday for siesta , and after the night prayer these are three times of privacy for you.
Besides these three times , there is no blame on you or them if you go to one another without announcing yourselves. When your children reach puberty, they should ask your permission at all times before entering your bedrooms just as those who were before them had asked permission. These two verses give us the following rules about privacy within and without the family circles:.
There are three times in a day night, early morning and afternoon which are considered as times of privacy. The minor children should be taught that during times of privacy they are not allowed to enter the bedroom of their parents or adults without first asking their permission. Obviously, by minor we do not mean infants; we mean the children who can understand what is right and what is wrong.
I would put that at age five and above. The parents will have to ingrain this teaching to their minor children gradually. At other times, the children are free to come and go into the bedroom of their parents without asking for their permission. In retrospect, this means that the parents should be decently dressed at those other times. As for the mature children and adults, the Qur'an is clear that they may enter the bedroom of their parents or other adults at all times only after asking their permission.
Skip to main content. View this page in our App. View View. Table of Contents. The Beginning of Sexual Life 1. In Islamic legal definition puberty bulugh is determined by one of the following: 1. Age: fifteen lunar years for boys and nine lunar years for girls; 2. Physical change: Growth of coarse hair on lower part of abdomen. What Should the Youths do? While talking about the contract of freedom made between a slave and his master, the Qur'an says, ".here
Is premarital sex equal to a marriage?
Third: Married Minus Financial Burden The boy and the girl can do their 'aqd Islamic marriage contract but postpone the marriage ceremony till after they have finished their education. Fourth: Married Plus Simple Life-Style The boy and the girl can do their 'aqd and even the marriage ceremony but delay the child-bearing process and adopt a very simple life-style. Handling Sexual Urge before Marriage If a person cannot marry soon after becoming sexually and mentally mature, then how should he or she handle the sexual urge?
Immoral Ways A Pre-Marital Sex Pre-marital sex is absolutely forbidden in Islam, no matter whether it is with a girl-friend or a prostitute. If an unmarried man and an unmarried woman are found guilty of fornication in an Islamic court, their punishment will be as the following: The woman and the man who fornicate scourge each of them a hundred whips; and in the matter of God s religion, let no tenderness for them seize you if you believe in God and the Last Day; and let a party of the believers witness their punishment.
Therefore, pre-marital sex is out of the question as a means of fulfilling the sexual urge.
B Masturbation In Islamic terminology, masturbation istimna means self-stimulation of the sexual organ till one achieves emission of semen or orgasm. While describing the believers, the Qur'an says , "The believers are They are, in Qur'anic expression, " Like cattle, nay they are more astray; they are the heedless ones. For example, Lewis Cutlow writes about the Amazon Indians that C Homosexuality One way of fulfilling the sexual urge which is now becoming acceptable in the Western world is sexual relations between members of the same sex: homosexuality which by definition includes lesbianism.
Lawful Temporary Ways If a Muslim cannot marry soon after puberty, then he or she just has two options: temporary abstinence or temporary marriage. A Temporary Abstinence Islam has allowed marriage as soon as a person becomes physically mature, and it also strongly recommends that at least during the early years of marriage to adopt a simple life-style so that the lack or paucity of financial resources does not obstruct a happy life.
After strongly recommending the marriage of single people, the Qur'an says, "And those who cannot marry should practice restrain or abstinence till Allah enriches them out of His bounty. B Temporary Marriage Mut 'a If a person does not marry soon after maturing and finds it difficult to control his or her sexual desire, then the only way to fulfill the sexual desire is mut'a.
Marriage In this section, we shall discuss some general laws and rules concerning marriage, marriage ceremony, practical aspect of sex within marriage and some of the often asked questions. Whom Can You Marry? A Restrictions based on Relationship There are certain blood relations which are considered haram for you as far as marriage is concerned. The list of such relatives is given in the Qur'an as follows: For Man mother daughter paternal aunt maternal aunt niece foster-mother foster-sister mother-in-law step-daughter daughter-in-law all married women sister-in-law as a 2nd wife 27 For Woman father son paternal uncle maternal uncle nephew foster-mother's husband foster-brother father-in-law step-son son-in-law It worth noting that cousins have not been included in this list which means that: firstly, cousins are not mahram to each other, so hijab has to be observed between them; secondly, cousins can marry each other.
B Restrictions based on Religion Marriage between two people who do not follow the same religion creates problems in the day-to-day life of the couple because no aspect of our life is outside the jurisdiction of the Islamic shari'ah. When a child reaches the age of puberty, then there are three different situations: a a child who is baligh but not mentally mature: in this case, the father and the grandfather still have their authority over him or her.
B By considering the hijab in Islam, is a boy permitted to look at the girl before marrying her? C Can a boy and a girl who are engaged meet each other or go out together? The 'Aqd In the Islamic shari'ah , marriage is an ' aqd , a contract. The Time of Marriage A When to marry? Generally, we can categorize these days into three: a There are some ahadith which say that it is makruh not recommended to have a marriage ceremony on the days when the moon is in the constellation of the Scorpio this is known as al-qamar fil aqrab or qamar dar aqrab , during the last two or three days of the lunar months, and on Wednesdays.
Abstract Premarital sex is becoming an epidemic in the United States, and an even bigger one on our college campuses, especially Tougaloo College. The objective of my research is to analysis Tougaloo College Students attitudes and responses towards premarital sex, and also to see what factors causes premarital sex. My variables for my research are religion and premarital sex rates. My hypothesis is Tougaloo Students of certain religions have a lower premarital sex rate then students of other religions. Premarital Sex: A Sin or Not? Thesis Statement: Some people are already doing sex before marriage because it does satisfy their sexual pleasures.
It is unethical and evil in the eyes of GOD. Outline I. Definition of Premarital Sex A. Causes of Premarital Sex B.
Is Sex Before Marriage Forbidden in the Bible? | Spiritual Insights for Everyday Life
Effects of Premarital Sex II. Ethical or Not A. Pre-marital sex, young Catholics know it is wrong. So why do they do it? In this paper we shall look more into the Catholic point of view on pre-marital bliss. Premarital Sex What are the consequences of premarital sex? How does it affect children who are born out of wedlock?
Related Sex Before Marriage - A Sin? (Long Article)
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