You have to admit you do not truly know how to be married ; and that is not easy to do. But when marriage is working according to design, it will not be chaotic or insecure. What is needed is a new look at your marriage. When you know how to build and sustain your marriage it will be fixed and ALL the troubles will evaporate. The hard part is that when you run into trouble your first reaction is to get out of the trouble you are in. It is an emergency.
So people try to get out of the immediate danger. Then, they usually relapse, repeat the cycle a few times and end up divorced. In fact, I have been helping many therapists become true marriage experts, and wrote a special book for them, which anyone can read of course, called Breaking the Cycle. It is more extensive than Lessons for a Happy Marriage, but some people prefer it.
My way is to deal with the emergencies by using special techniques to stop everything, and while there are no more conflict behaviors distracting you, you learn how to build your marriage the right way. They just know marriage is something that has to be approached intelligently and systematically.
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That is where we come in. The study of marriage is not difficult, but it does take some effort. But I will also tell you this;. Most people wait too long before seeking help. But this is a big mistake. Once a marriage begins to slide downhill, it picks up momentum, sliding faster and faster.
As soon as you study the core principles of what makes a marriage work, and practice our proprietary techniques, your marriage will start improving. First of all, before you begin fixing your broken marriage, we encourage you to write in FREE of charge , and ask if your problem is easily solved. Or you can always get one of our books. Our program is the most effective and valuable marriage help program there is, and is suitable for every issue. Whatever you decide, stay in touch with us. We are here to help you. And bear in mind, that your marriage will more than likely be fine as long as you take action now.
Is there any compensation that would satisfy you if your marriage failed, your family collapsed, or your children suffered? We know it is not typical thinking to dissect marriage into parts and make it mechanical, but it works to do so. The point is people can study anything they want; multiple topics exist that people can learn about. Some get into the minutia of things most people already consider minutia, like the follicles of arm hair. You do need to have enough general knowledge to understand everything your spouse says, and why. You need to understand the purposes and goals of marriage so you are not just living it day to day without reaping the incredible benefits.
We can teach you all you need to know about marriage; it is easy to learn. We make it simple, because it actually is simple. It is like going on a hike and knowing which rocks may be hiding a rattlesnake, or knowing which berries are poisonous, so you can avoid them. A marriage analogy would be learning that when your spouse speaks harshly to you, the first step is not to react.
It is not how either of you truly feels; it is just a momentary, dangerous situation, a pitfall. You need to get educated in a very practical manner by learning the most important things first.
How Can I Save My Marriage?
Then, you can slowly expand your knowledge to the point where you understand your marriage so well that your lives are natural and fulfilling. That happens much faster than you think! YOU can fix your marriage. When couples, or individuals, begin studying our marriage program you would be amazed at the positive feedback we get …right away!
It is like skiing. When I was a kid I was lucky to live where our ski runs were pathetic. Otherwise, I would have killed myself. Later in life, I took a couple of lessons and I was no longer putting my life on the line. Marriage fixing should indeed be as a do-it-yourself project. But use a manual or course so you know what does what. Then, you will see. Your lives will be so much better! Reinventing yourself is not the same as fixing someone who is broken. What it meant is that you who are now in your marriage are probably not you who were adored when you got engaged.
Contrary to what many people think, marriage is not merely a simple relationship that you enter from engagement, after dating. Marriage is a whole new world! It is as different as can be, and it needs special thinking and actions in order to get out of it what you wish. People bring into their marriages the same skills they use in the rest of the world, and discover their marriages are not anything like what they wanted. Not filled with joy, not very harmonious, and certainly not blissful. I flapped my arms with all my might and speed, and jumped of our porch nearly broke my ankles , and still no flight!
But when I was 18, I went to flight school and learned all I needed to fly. Once I learned, it was easy! Your marriage is a complex entity of at least six different relationships, all with their own rules. Your broken marriage will continue to break until you, sometimes just one of you, takes your marriage seriously enough to put the time into reinventing your approach to your spouse, the marriage, and yourself. So, all of this has to be learned. Otherwise, you will be flapping your arms in very creative ways, but will never get off the ground. In fact you will end up going deeper into your broken marriage, as the marriage counselors rarely are well trained.
Marriages need a very different approach than what is popularly thought. There is a process I came up with to heal your marriage that will work, and it works because it is so obvious it is working as soon as you begin, and then you start to get excited by the prospects; it is hard to beat success and logic. I never thought of doing that before. Honestly, there is so much nonsense out there that people who begin our program are amazed at how quickly things change. But the best part is that the changes are permanent. I came up with all our programs because I was a divorce mediator who shifted gears when I saw how many families were collapsing simply because good people had no idea how to be married.
So I created it myself. That means it does what it is suppose to do. Imagine that! Some couples who use our guidance begin with only the wife, or less often, the husband, taking the program. In these cases we hope the other will see big changes and eventually join in. That is usually how it works when marriages turn around. But even if not, the one who takes the program is not pulling the whole marriage, but rather setting the example.
You inevitably reinvent yourself. Then, when you know how to be married, you have a great marriage. Books like that are fine for entertainment. Right from when I first began helping couples my process worked incredibly well; it is scientific. Some said it was because I was honest with people, but it is much more than that. I took people through a succinct process. Later, I wrote out the process in my first book So many have been helped because I laid out my process, which in that book is very easy to follow. A few years later, I wrote a second book for teaching therapists about our system.
It contains the same information, but it goes much deeper into the reasons for why we behave we do and what we can do about it. Her husband had been on that crazy Ashley Madison site, and was dating young women. She was panicked! They had two little children and she had no idea what to do. They are still together, and doing superbly. Though he never went on our program too, he did read the book. To sum up, reinventing yourself according to what your marriage needs takes more than a resolution, or changing one or two things.
It requires definite and scientific effort. One thought to keep in mind is although some people think a divorce will put an end to the suffering, and the next marriage will be better; or better to live alone, it is rarely true. But they do not realize how much harder it is to live with their imperfections than it is to fix them, thus saving their marriage. There is always hope until you quit. Best to take the next step.
Get busy learning about marriage and make up your mind to get it right. You can do it. Russell Losing a child is a huge deal, especially for mom. If you can change some things with that as a guide, great. Otherwise you may want to get the course for men. But by all means be a lot more patient with your wife. She needs your love and support, not your instruction. And so do your grandchildren… you can contact our counselors, too.
When my husband gets mad and says ugly words to me and he never admits his wrong doings only mine. It is best to consider this so you do not create even more anger. If you are an angel you will be understanding, even though he is wrong. My husband refuses to communicate with me. Everything is always his way or no way. We have been married for over 18yrs. Kids are grown and out of the house. Lately he has been cranky and distant. But to him everything is fine as long as I leave him alone. When I do try to talk to him about things that I am feeling he shuts down gets highly irritated and defensive.
He sits in his chair for hours at a time. Watching television while I pour my heart out to him. He will get up and go to bed without a word spoken. He is a rock. The question is.
How Not To Save A Marriage
Do I continue to beat my head on this rock? Please help. No need to bang your head… I just loaded a new video which explains how I address marriage in our course. Why not take a look? I been married 11yrs and we been together for 14 years altogether. Recent I was calling and texting another lady never tried to sleep with her nor did I say something out the norm just being a friend.
My wife found out she asked me who it was I lied about the name, and I also deleted the text message. But I recovered the messages and showed them to her. She wants a divorce. Dear Cedric What did you expect?? We have not found a way to convince women to stay no matter what. Women, once they make up their mind to leave always do. Its so good that you are not just letting your marriage slip into oblivion.
We have 4 children and my husband is giving up on our marriage. He thinks that is the only way to fix this. Dear Vanessa Your situation is very tough because you have been apart so long. If he is in the home you do have an opportunity to reconnect. But its like starting from scratch. I would recommend you see this as an opportunity. Perhaps you can win his love. My husband has cheated many times and is an addict. We have children and I cant give up. He is sick and want my marriage to work. I filed for divorce but stopped it in hopes for change and a couple months later I moved out but we are still trying.
We used to fight all the time. We talk more now. However, he says this is all alot because he is moving back in but wont explain what alot is.
I am trying to stay positive and be there when he is ready to talk and not be pushy. He wants to hang out with friends by himself alot and i dont feel like that is a good idea. I think we should be spending time together to figure this out and fix our marriage. Is it to late? If he is addicted to substance, whether its drugs legit or not or alcohol, his heart is closed off AND the substances cause a cycle of degeneration that cannot be stopped until the addicted one has hit their bottom, and stops… it happens all the time.
If you are saying he is addicted to his habits, that is not the same. He can be helped by you being more loving and connected yourself. My name is Breanna. My husband and I have been married 4 years now. I just caught him paying prostitues for sex in crack motels. I have caught him cheating endless times and have even left him an gotten my own home.
Only to have him crying for me back doing all the right things making me believe he has changed and BAM! I catch him again. We are together all the time and have what I thought an amazing relationship. My therapist believes from the things I have told and showed her that he has a sex addiction problem. This time I found videos, emails, hotel receipts, text messages, everything. Yet he still denies black and white proof to my face as If i am stupid.
So why apologize if he is saying he did not do it? I am tired of feeling as if I am the problem when I clearly am not. I feel I can never compete with someone with a sex addiction problem. We have sex literally almost everyday, yet he still cheats. What can I do? Is this fixable? Should I run and never look back?
I am at my whits end. You are going through Hell! The problem is not in the details, or you having sex with him, or him being addicted to sex. You cannot be addicted to sex, just be habituated, which is NOT the same thing. The REAL problem, as there is only one, is that the two of you have no idea how to be married. What you must do now is study marriage, how your mind works, and all the other aspects of marriage so you can make it happen.
Have you at least gotten one of my books? But what you really need is the course… write to our counselors for more direction, but no, you should not give up. I left my husband almost 3 years ago because of his affair with his assistant. He tried to everything to win me back and promised that he already stopped.
We had 2 children one is 11 yrs now and the other one is 4 years. I accepted him. And now after almost 3 years being happy together i saw a picture of him and the other woman along with a 7mos. Its her baptismal and my husband was there seems very happy in the pictures.
He even denies a communication with the other woman despite in the picture shes hugging and holding him…i see from my husband face how happy he is and how comfortable he is with her and her family. Now im in so much depression and i dont know what to do. Even my kids are affected. I wanted to run away everytime and lea ve him so that they can both be happy. I dont know what to do now he says he will never leave us whatever happened and he loves me….
I hope u can help me. Im so tired and everything is a mess right now. Please help me. Dear Scott I pray its not too late. Go to this video I put together, so you know what you are getting into. Things got rocky about a year ago when I lost me job for watching pornography. Since then we did alright for a while but it began to get worse. I continued viewing pornography and she began talking to her ex husband in sexual ways.
We have had the police at our house on a couple occasions. We have been separated for about a month now and she took the kids and moved. Dear Randy, The details do not seem to matter, as we have our own informal micro-study of what is possible, and what seems out of reach. When a wife moves on to another man it has been our experience that she does not come back. I am sorry.
I just found this link. Everything you wrote is so true. Our first reactions are leave, get out, so what, etc. He always says no to spending time together, but when he wants to do something he expects yes. When I ask her why at home she said because I would be giving you control. Give us a call at I have tried everything I know to do but my husband says one thing but behaves the oposite of his words.
My wife and I have been married six hears dated before. And we are separated now have been for almost a year says she wants a divorce then legal separation then wants divorce there is trust lost and hurt on her two kids. And still nothing she says to litttle to late an I only love you as the father of my kids there has to be something I can do to save this. Husband of 15 yrs, together for Found out his having an emotional affair with someone I no. Not a friend but someone in passing.
I I confronted him about this woman because I seen the text in his phone. Its been a mth and hes still here. He left and stayed in a hotel for the weekend and looked for his own place that Monday. I told him he could leave and stay with family, sleep on the couch and be roommates and take care of our daughter, or sleep I the bed with me and try and fix things. That night he slept in the bed. That crushed my heart.
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So of course I got angry. I would really like to keep my family together. You probably ignored her needs for years and now she has found a way to cope. He tells me often I hold him down and that everything is my fault. I am trying my hardest to save my marriage. Help me please. Hi, Tabatha. I am so sorry you are going through this.
My husband has been having an affair with a married woman on and off for about 3 years now. It just recently started back up with lengthy phone calls and texting. My husband and I have discussed divorce but nothing solidified. He still calls me every day, multiple times, and acts as everything is fine. He tells me that he loves me, etc.
The OW has not left her husband. Im just so confused and dont know whats going on or which way to turn. I have tried to be understanding to his feelings and have carried on on most days as if everything is fine. I do know that he loves me and I understand that he is in limerence right now.
I just dont know how much more I can take. Thanks for the sensible critique. Me and my neighbor were just preparing to do some research about this. We got a grab a book from our local library but I think I learned more from this post. About 3 years ago we started having problems.
How To Fix A Broken Marriage (This is the only solution you need)
His anger issues went out of control. It killed all the love I had for him. I stay at home, take care of my kids, parents , my husband. I am still trying my best to just live for my kids, family. No one likes divorce, etc. And sometimes it happens because of an affair, but I feel more and more that I am commiting after against my own self. Marriage takes two to save, when you are the only one giving, one day you will get tired. I am tired. I draw, exercise, love people. He doesnt want any of that.
Some marriages last, some not. And some things need to be broken otherwise you can lose yourself. Im not here to prove right or wrong, but if i decide to leave one day, i wont feel guilty. Follow God at all times. The reward will be amazing. When you stand in front of Him, He will only ask if you have fulfilled your duty to Him not to your husband. He will be judged as well… Always follow His will. Find serenity and peace.
He told me recently how bad I had hurt him and been hurting him for a while now. I told him I wanted to earn his trust and respect again and I meant it. I just want him to see what we could be. Your email address will not be published. Should the spouse trying to save a marriage then give up all hope?
Looking back, was your marriage once happier than it is now?
Absolutely not. Reply We have been together for almost 16 years married 8yrs, we have three boys 4,5,10, my wife is having an emotional affair for 2yrs she said. Reply Give us a call at Reply My wife and I have been married six hears dated before. Reply Husband of 15 yrs, together for Reply Hi, please call us at so we can tell you about our resources and how we can help!
Reply Hi, Tabatha. Call us at so we can help! Reply My husband has been having an affair with a married woman on and off for about 3 years now.
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